if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
