I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
pray to the hookup gods
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
