and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
