WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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