he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
