1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
