so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
