its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
