That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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