i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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