If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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