I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
