this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
