I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
