I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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