I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
