you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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