My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
