I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
