Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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