his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
