What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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