Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
