Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
