I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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