I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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