we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
