If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
