im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
