he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
