Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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