he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
