Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
