i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
