I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
