Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
