Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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