so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
