You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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