Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
