oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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