he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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