i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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