I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A+ Viking dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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