were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
