My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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