i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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