Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
