Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
