i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
