so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
